Theories of Motivation Part 2 – Your Crutch

Achievement Motivation TheoryIf you missed Part 1 of the Theories of Motivation series, check it out here – Theories of Motivation Part 1.

Onward

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The sage continues…

Just then, a ‘Just Do This’ expert strolls by.

“Hey you” you shout upwards

“I’m stuck down here in this hole. Can you help me out?”

“I can” she exclaims

“I have an exact and specific ‘10-Point-Plan’ that works for all my clients”

“Use it, precisely as I say, and you will literally double your income overnight”

The ‘Just Do This’ expert proceeds to explain steps 1 – 9…

… And then pauses suddenly.

Confused, you ask her for the 10th lesson (which based on what she has explained so far, is the most critical).

“The 10th step is the most important” she says.

“It contains all the magic. It will show you how to build several revenue streams and guarantee an income beyond your wildest dreams”

“And for an investment of $2999, I can tell you what it is….”

“But money isn’t my objective!” you shout in protest

“I just want to get out of this hole

The ‘Just Do This’ expert tilts her head and smiles.

“You can pay for my secret 10th step in 12-easy-monthly installments… AND, I will throw in more than $600 of bonus secrets for absolutely no charge”

Your stunned silence and incredulous stare required no verbal response; the ‘Just Do This’ expert simply walks away.

Feeling doomed and more powerless than ever before, you notice yet another figure walk by.

A Freethinking Renegade

Do you have ‘Crutches’ in your life that are preventing you from truly living?

Truly succeeding?

The fact is, I can answer that question for you… Right now.

You do.

And until you become aware of them, you won’t ever change the tides to your favor.

Watch this short video to see what I mean:

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In complete vulnerability – Do you have any crutches in your life?  Spend some time thinking through that and then I’d love for you to scroll down and leave your comments below…

Ignore the Rules; Inspire the Extraordinary Within

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BG

 

10 Responses to Theories of Motivation Part 2 – Your Crutch

  1. Matt H June 20, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

    I know you said wait to comment but I could not haha. I do know in the past that I have used crutches as an excuse or other things like that s you mentioned. Right now I am not really sure, there is nothing that I can really think of where I am. Where I am in my life now and have gone through the past year or two. Has really taught me to simply things and not over complicate it, crutches can do. We might actually rely on them and complicate our life with them.

  2. Ryan Canty June 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm #

    “And for an investment of $2999, I can tell you what it is…” ugh, this sounds like The Landmark Forum (yuck).

    Crutches: I do have them and I’m currently trying to get rid of them in order to become the best ME I can be…

    But, it’s hard..it’s easy to fall on them for support or a general way of refusing to acknowledge my own fear and doubt when doing something, or anything, new.

    Before, I was unwilling to address the stories behind those crutiches. Now, I am..it’s a lot of hard work doing that and letting that crutch go. It will happen though, on crutch at a time.

  3. Kevan Fagan June 20, 2012 at 3:02 pm #

    This is a great question. and i’m going to spend some time thinking about it. And speak on it in a couple of day.

  4. Scott June 20, 2012 at 5:12 pm #

    Hey Brian,

    Thanks for another great viewpoint about busting through limitations. If I might mention, I think that you and Dax are speaking to, universal truths that are consistent in their essence and giving your unique voices to them. ( a beautiful thing :) It is also interesting to see the parallel of what I am getting from my internal guidance and the ideas I am seeing addressed here.

    This morning during my quiet time (meditation or what have you), it became clearer to me that a false sense or belief in who I am is my greatest “crutch”. The story or illusory identity is something I have learned to rely on for attempting to find balance, meaning or understanding, much of my life. This illusory self, more than anything, is a framework of limited perspectives of thought and belief shaped emotional energy states, operating relative to the story I believed.

    My “story” of ME, was based on beliefs I allowed to develop in me. These beliefs were based on what I observed in others as being “true” or experienced as “truth”. While I held the ultimate right to say who I am, in large part I conformed to the externally imposed definitions (of me), perceived expectations of others and my environment.

    As the “story of me” developed and the more specifically subjective this “conjured” version of me became, the more separated I felt from the “whole of me” or what I call the real me.

    I had some sense that this was the case over the years, but I have gained in clarity about this distinction in a powerful way recently. Even today I have been fascinated to “witness” through focused attention, which version of me is active.

    I know by now, most of the “tell tale” signs (particularly emotional cues) that tip me off to when this false identity is trying to run the show. Some cues are……

    1.Projection of blame or responsibility onto externals. (lack of emotional accountability)

    2.Defensive arguing or rationalizing that this “ME” is valid, important and something I must continue to validate.

    3. An insistent and deep seated frustration that the “identity crisis” I am experiencing needs to be resolved. (not a bad thing :)

    The one thing that I have used in the past,to hold this illusory self in place, is the belief that it is real and that it must exist. My relationship to everything else in my life is actively influenced relative to this illusory me, when I allow it.

    At the risk of making this an over share, yesterday afternoon I simply came to a place where I just could not tolerate allowing this false identity to have such an active role in my life. I was utterly disgusted with it. There was an intensely angry determination that poured out of me (in a safe and healthy way. I didn’t kick the dog :) that said “enough is enough”!

    I will no longer operate out of a place of delusion about who I am!

    So, this sounds really great, right? But realistically how does one go about shedding the false identity or the “story of me” that has been held so dearly for so long? Talk about the ultimate crutch. I am telling myself I have to abandon the “truth held” basis for my identity? An identity I have held dear and have operated on my whole life? Where are the “10 steppers when you need them?” :)

    The solution I have found for myself, is that by connecting with the whole of me or the real me, I have begin to practice being and living actively, as a more wholly experienced emotional and thinking self. So what happens when the patterns of the illusory me come up, as they do and often without me even realizing it? The key here is PAYING ATTENTION or focus.

    There are a few things I noted about this process that have helped me to be aware of what is active in me.

    1. The illusory me has an inherent need to defend the “story” or the so called truth of my storied self. When this defensiveness is present it is certain that I am temporarily in the grips of the “storied me”. It would seem that we have a deep seated need to believe that what we observe is “true”. based on our dominantly adapted definition of what it means for our self or something else,to be “real.” What is real to me? What has always been, right? Well, It’s safe, it makes sense (at least to me) and it is familiar. Or perhaps not :)

    If we come to realize that in large part much of our life has been based on incomplete or biased perceptions of who we are, it can be a bit unsettling. But, the good news is that when we come to realize that the “whole of who we are” is actually more real than what we have believed to be the truth of us, there is a sense of peace beyond words, that can be found.

    2. When I am flowing in the “whole or real me” my emotional state reflects it very clearly. Conversely when I am activating out of the illusory me, my emotions reflect a corresponding emotional state as well. (usually marked by discordance)

    3. I pay special attention to what I call my reality validation feedback loop.

    What I believe and perceive about myself (my life), I need to see and I do see (one way or the other, even if I have to create it) I need to feed “evidence” back into my illusory or mistaken belief system for further validation. Mistaken beliefs require, mistaken evidence to support them. In order to interrupt this ongoing and sometimes “unconscious” cycle, I have to be willing to do a couple of things.

    A. Question the validity and “realness” of my story. What is it based on? Why should I believe it? What makes it real? Why is it real?

    B. Question the “realness” or evidence of my observations. Just because something appears to be true or real in my belief system, the physical world or in a relationship does not mean it represents the entirety of truth.

    After all, the subjective nature of my perspectives, make it very difficult if not impossible to see every possible viewpoint simultaneously. What is real about this perspective? What makes it real? What am I missing by viewing things from a limited position in time-space?

    C. Question my emotions. Not in the sense that i judge them or necessarily even label them as bad or good. But what are they saying or indicating to me? Are the expressions of my emotions pointing to activity or perspectives based on the illusory or story self? If I feel discordance, is this an indication of the distance or separation that I feel from the whole of me?

    The overall goal of this process is to acknowledge fully and without judgment what “me” is active. Is it that me that was designed by defaulted belief and behavioral expectancies passed down through the generations? Or is it the “authentic” or real me, that is fully open to engaging life in a non fragmented and non-biased way?

    Significantly reducing the systemic state of resistance that is inherent in the “made up” version of self, seems a worthy reward for becoming more open minded and flexible about our beliefs about ourselves and our reality.

    My “personality” is not diminished in anyway in this process, but rather enhanced by the expansion of self evident truth. The crutch falls away and once again (as when I was a babe) I am learn again to take the “first steps”. Courageous steps towards walking in freedom, ease and choice based, on the whole of who I am, rather than a mistaken, strictly subjective sense of self.

    Hope that makes sense.

    I go by Scott but some people call me James :)

  5. Brian Grasso June 21, 2012 at 7:51 am #

    Well… I have a lot to say, but then nothing really at all. Because the truth in my life has become so simple. I do not mean to make it ‘elementary’ for you guys (Ryan, Scott) but what about this:

    Is it really hard to release your crutch, or are you just telling yourself it is?

    In my life, the very second I drew AWARENESS to the ‘truth’ I had been telling myself (my crutch) I was able to re-craft a new story. It was simple in practice, but most certainly took time in terms of ‘taking hold’ (but then, that’s both the beauty and reality of the Kaizen Path).

    I do not have deep belief in the ‘motivational industry’ and their zeal to tell us to ‘write the story of our lives’ unconditionally. At least not until we become aware of the story we have been telling ourselves. Awareness must come first.

    I draw on much of what I’ve learned about brain chemistry… The internal dialogue we keep is what we become (self-fulfilling prophecy). That’s not a tale so much as it is scientifically valid. Therefore, once awareness has been brought about, we are free to write what we choose.

    The degree of difficulty we decide to believe that will involve is every bit as much in our control as anything else…

    I can’t thank you enough for sparking such wonderful discussion!

    <3 BG

  6. Daniel Matos June 21, 2012 at 8:30 am #

    One of my biggest, if not biggest clutches, of all time is validation. The search for validation. So much to say about this, but it basically stems from years of lacking self-confidence. Years of bullying myself. Years of judging the world around me insread of realizing that what I was saying was about myself. If I had to use examples, they are:

    “I can’t do that because noone would care enough to listen.”

    “I can’t do that because it has already been done.”

    “I shouldn’t approach it that way because that isn’t such a clear way”

    “What books could I read to give me permission to speak on that topic. Ugh, there’s so many that even if I did read them all, it’s impossible to find an answer. But I don’t believe in direct answers all the time. Hmm.”

    “I can’t try that profession. I have no experience. If I networked or have something to show for, it would be better.”

    “I cannot possibly do that now. People who do that have been doing it since they were three.”

    I can honestly go on and on. This can spiral into inactivity and the craziest part is it comes from being embitious but failing. And instead of understanding “intention is greater than outcome,” I begin ignoring why I tried in the first place or why I am interested in the first place.

  7. Scott June 21, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    Hey Brian,

    Great discussion. I was going to write a lengthy post but will sum it up like this.

    However you describe it, I think generally the greatest desire of most (perhaps all people) sounds simple- To love and be loved

    The processes each person undergoes to determine what this means in their lives and the path of least resistance to fulfilling this desire, is highly individual and often very different.

    I try not to say how hard or easy it might be for someone to “come to terms” with the desires within them. I have been guilty of doing this with my wife, because I just want her to be happy. I will tell her “the solution” from my perspective and she will say, please just listen to me.

    What she is really trying to tell me is, I have to make the solution my own and you can’t do that for me. So, I try to honor this process in others.

    Perhaps the answers are all simple in essence, but the process of finding the answers is what can sometimes be very challenging.

    From my personal experience and observation of close friends-family.

  8. Brian Grasso June 22, 2012 at 7:40 am #

    Don’t disagree with anything you’ve said, Scott, but in my life and experience, “very challenging” only proved to be true when I defined it as such.

    I ADORE your commentary on this blog! Thank you for that….

    <3 BG

  9. Scott June 23, 2012 at 4:17 am #

    I agree Brian. I think that the initial “defining” develops over time and then gets embedded as a recurring thought. image (belief).

    The redefining hasn’t been hard and has even been fun and enjoyable. The part that took some work was seeing the victim in me for what it was, without judgement and then setting myself at ease (establishing permission) to release it. My inner freedom keeps expanding. though It is something that has to be nurtured, supported and reinforced. I just remind myself that I wanted to change for a reason. Namely that I was fed up and tired of the old identity. The new feels so much better and serves me very well. So I think I’ll keep it :)

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